Your Name is Kankri Vantas
by NevaehNikol
Summary: Your name is Kankri Vantas and you've just made the biggest mistake of your life. You shouldn't have done it. You know that. You know you won't be forgiven. You know you're stupid for doing it. But you did it anyways. It beckoned you, bribed you to, and you couldn't resist its call. ; Sadstuck
1. The Mistake

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you've just made the biggest mistake of your life. You shouldn't have done it. You know that. You know you won't be forgiven. You know you're stupid for doing it. But you did it anyways. It beckoned you, bribed you to, and you couldn't resist its call.

You pull the arms of your overly large sweater back down. You're hurting. It hurts. Pulling your knees up to your chest you frown. The first display of outward emotion in quite some time. You think of everyone you love. How disappointed they'll be. How disgusted they'll be. They won't even want to speak to you. Therefore, they mustn't know. You can't tell them. You don't want to lose them.

You stand. You're a bit wobbly but you manage to stay upright. You look yourself over a few times to make sure nothing looks out of the ordinary, everything looks fine. Nothing out of place. Out of habit you smooth over your sweater. Perfect.

Exiting your hive you take a look around. You can see everyone. When you were all younger you decided to build your hives in a giant circle, so you could all stay close. To the right of you is Porrim. Then Aranea, Meenah, Cronus, Latula, Mituna, Kurloz, Meulin, Horuss, Rufioh, and then Damara resides to your left. A giant circle. Every so often you all host a giant bonfire in the middle of your 'neighborhood '. You all provide some sort of snack and drink. It's actually quite entertaining. Though, you have skipped out on the past few. It's nothing personal; you just haven't been up to it. It's not like anyone really notices your presence is gone. Generally you will give your share of snacks and beverages to Porrim so she may bring them, just so there's enough to go around for everyone.

You take a step out of your hive. It feels as if you haven't been outside in forever. You close the door behind you and walk down the pathway until you reach the benches you conveniently placed outside of your hive. You sit down, and rub your wrist. A newly formed habit. You hate it. It still hurts. Though the pain, it feels rather nice, better than what you've been feeling in recent days. You sigh. You don't know what's happened to you.

"_Ahem."_

Someone pulls you from immanent self loathing. You are slightly grateful. You look up to see Cronus. One of the most least likely faces you expected to see.

"Oh. Hello Cronus." You manage a smile. Good. You feel as if you're doing well. "What brings you over here?"

"Just wanted to ask you a question. You know, if you don't mind." He still has that unlit cigarette in his mouth. You were always unsure of why he carried around in such a fashion until fairly recently. You nod, because he's looking at you and expecting a response. "Why haven't you been coming to the bonfires? Are we boring you or somethin'?"

You've been thinking of excuses for a while now, so you have this covered. "I apologize. I haven't been feeling well recently." That'll also excuse the recent change in behavior. "And I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere with my tiresomeness." You smile apologetically. You want to join them, you just can't. And technically none of this is a lie. You are truly sorry and you don't want to ruin their good time with your self-hatred. That would be selfish of you to do.

He nods. You are quite sure he believes you. He has no reason not to, because technically it's the truth. "Alright then. Well I hope you feel better, Kanks." He smiles, but doesn't leave; instead he stays and keeps talking. You weren't prepared for this. "And Kankri, you do know that you can trust me right? I won't go around blabbing all of your personal business if you tell it to me."

You stare at him. For a moment you are inclined to tell him what you have done, how sorry you are, and how much you hate yourself. But of course you realize that he would hate you if you did that. So you don't. Instead, you lie. "Of course I know that. Why would I think any different? I know how trustworthy you are Cronus."

He stares at you. His eyes are telling you something. Well, more like screaming at you. You can't read them and you kind of don't want to. "Okay then." You release a breath you didn't realize you were holding. He turns on his heels. "Bye, Kanks. See you later." Then he is gone.

"Goodbye, Cronus." You shout back to him. You see him wave.

You relax again. That was a bit strange, but you expected it. It's only natural for your friends to be worried about you when you do not join in with the bonding festivities. You know more encounters like this will come.

You stand. You're still a bit wobbly, but this time you fall back onto the bench. You frown. You're getting a bit too weak for your liking. _**When were you ever strong?**_There it goes again. That voice, it's what has brought you to this madness. _**Where you ever truly sane?**_You wish it would stop. You don't know if it is your subconscious doing this or if you are in need of some therapy and medication. You bring your fingers to your temples. Sometimes you wish you could just die, it'd be much more pleasant without this voice in your head. _**Then just die. There's nothing to it.**_You start to massage your temples deeply. You can feel a headache on the rise. This is how it starts. _**Come on. Just do it. All you have to do is walk back into the hive and grab a knife. It's as simple as that. **_Stop. You hear yourself groan in utter frustration. You feel so lost. _**What's the matter? Can't take a bit of the truth? Wow. You are pathetic. No wonder no one wants you around. **_

"Wow, Cronus said you weren't feeling well, but damn. You look like you got ran over or something. You doing okay dude?"

Your eyes snap open and you slowly look up to see Rufioh and Horuss. Rufioh looks extremely concerned, whilst Horuss looks rather happy. "Uh, yes I am doing fine, generally speaking. A rather nasty headache has thrown itself upon me."

"Holy crap. Must be terrible if it got you looking like that." You suddenly realize you are on the verge of tears in public. Oh no.

You chuckle. "Yes. They just keep getting worse. I should really do something about them." You smile. It's a lot harder to smile this time.

"Would you like me to fetch Porrim?" Horuss finally speaks up. "I am quite certain she'd know exactly what to do.

You inwardly start to panic. You've been avoiding Porrim for weeks now. For good reasons to. She'd examine you. She'd ask you to remove your sweater so she could check your pulse, heartbeat, and grub scars. She's a firm believer that if something is wrong it's the body's fault. You'd be perfectly fine with that if she also wasn't so dramatic. In the beginning you had an instinct to tell Porrim what was wrong with you, but then your subconscious reminded you of the incident with Cronus' 'identity crisis'. You couldn't tell her. Besides out of everyone you don't want to lose, Porrim is at the top of the list. You'd be rather lost without some of her guidance.

You realize that you should respond now, they both are starting to look a bit worried. "Ah, no. I don't think that's necessary. It's nothing more than a headache. It'll pass."

They seem to relax. Horuss nods taking the response with no hesitation. Rufioh is a different story. "You sure bro? I mean you look pretty freaking messed up…."

You smile. An actual good smile. "Don't worry about me Rufioh. I promise if it gets any worse than it is, than I will go straight to her." You gesture towards her hive. "She doesn't live far."

Rufioh smiles. "Alright man! I'm glad to hear that. Don't want you missing the bonfire, you know?"

"Yes, I can't say I want to miss it myself." You lie. "I heard Kurloz will be performing something."

"Hell yeah! It's going to be great! He's got drums and shit." He makes the motion of playing the drums. "As Kurloz says 'There's gonna be motherfuckin wicked shit going down'." He laughs. He seems to like imitating Kuloz's mannerisms.

"Well I certainly can't wait for that." You chuckle.

"Alright man! We'll see ya' later. Gotta go help Damara with this dumb foreign stuff." He laughs and ushers Horuss along. "Bye, hope you feel better!"

"Have fun with that," You call after him. "Oh, and demeaning culture. That could trigger her Rufioh!"

You can hear his laugh from the other side of the barrier between you and Damara's hive. "Oh yeah! Sorry dude! I'll make sure I won't say anything about it."

You sigh. This is getting a lot harder to do. You ponder the thought of going back inside, though you soon shove the thought away. You don't really want to be alone right now. You might make more mistakes.


	2. The Mind-Reader

You decide that catching up with everyone is a good idea, well everyone except for Porrim. You would rather not avoid Porrim but you have no choice in this matter. She'll hate you if she knows. Everyone would hate you. **They already hate you, idiot. **That is right. How can people like someone who does not like themselves? It's a phrase you've heard from older trolls. If you like you then others will like you as well. It's simple knowledge. No one wants a friend who constantly spews hatred against themselves. It makes for a very uncomfortable situation. You love your friends and you have accepted their feelings of resentment towards you. **You don't really have a choice now do you? **No. You don't have a choice. They are the only ones you have. The only ones you will ever have. Though it might be better if you were to rid the world of yourself. It would be a much brighter place, perhaps even joyful. **Oh, trust me it would be.**

You sigh, deciding to take a short walk to the GBA, or the 'General Bonfire Area'. It's an extensive walk, but you manage. Kurloz and Meulin are setting something up. It looks like instruments and the sorts. Oh yes. You almost forgot that tonight is a bonfire night. Kurloz, Meulin, Mituna, and Latula will be performing something for you all. **Everyone, except you. You won't be there. You'll be holed up in your hive being a despicable wretch and hating yourself, remember? **Oh…right. You didn't plan on coming tonight and you still don't really want to come.

Though you remember you will have to explain yourself to Meulin when you see her heading towards you.

"Kankri!" She nearly shouts. You know she's always had a hard time hearing, so you inwardly forgive the volume of her voice. "Purrlease tell me you can make it today! It'll be so fun! Tuna-fish is gonna be playing the bass!" Meulin takes a breath for she had been talking nonstop, even before she came over here. "Oh! And I'll be on guitar, with Latula on the microphone!" She 'squees' excitedly. "This obviously leaves Purrloz on drums!" You look over to see him wave at you, drumsticks in hand.

"I..uh, well…" You bring a hand back to your arm, rubbing a bit. You really don't want to tell her you're not coming. "Well, Meulin I'm no-"

"Heey! Kankri, my man!" It's Latula this time. She's sprinting over to the both of you, clutching her skateboard per usual. "What's going on over here?" By the time Latula approaches, Meulin's demeanor has completely changed.

"You're not coming are you?" She says them simply, but you can see how hurt she is. Wow. **Now you are a terrible person. She's been looking forward to everyone coming**. Latula hears Meulin's statement and she frowns nudging you a bit with her skateboard.

"Aw, come on! It's gonna be fun. I mean I ain't forcing you to go or anything, I just thought that maybe a little music would lighten that damper ass mood you always got going on as of recently, you know?"

She noticed. Oh god. She's noticed you've been acting strangely. **Of course she has. You aren't very good at hiding it. **"Yes, my mood has been a bit..er, down lately." You smile a bit. "And I apologize for that."

"Yeah, I talked to Cronus earlier and he said you were going through some deep shit." Cronus seems to be a culprit in telling everyone about your supposed sickness. You're thankful for that. "I thought maybe since music is like the ultimate healing method, that'd you'd want to join." She rests her weight onto one hip, pushing her glasses to the top of her head so she could give you a pleading look.

**Wow, you've even managed to upset Latula. How do you feel about yourself right now? This is why your friends hate you, because you never go through on anything. You always quit before things can get done. But, that's why I'm here isn't it? To teach you what a failure you are and how you will never accomplish anything. I mean, look at how many people you've disappointed within a span of three minutes. That must be some sort of record set.**

You come back to your senses clutching your head and on your knees. You can hear hurried shouting and questions being thrown your way. But you can't hear anything, but that voice. **Looks like Kurloz is involve- oh wait, and Mituna as well! Wow, upsetting four people in record time! Good for you.** **Keep up the good work; this seems to be the only thing you are good at. **You can feel blood on your lip. Where did that come from….? Oh. Your teeth. You feel yourself being shaken; the hands are rather firm and a bit too tight. You guess that it's Kurloz. Your eyes open and you peer up, tears threatening you, you were right; it is Kurloz.

His mouth is moving, but you can't hear anything. **He's telling you that you are weak and should get your lame ass up and stop making a scene. **He pauses staring at you, apparently waiting for a response of some sort. You continue to stare, you don't really know what is happening, but you make an attempt to stand. Kurloz's face tells you that it was a bad idea to do that and he pushes you back onto your knees. Your head is throbbing now with an intense fury. You can hear something similar to a human freight train in your head and it's blocking out everything…except…

**Get up! Why don't you stand up? Are you that weak? What kind a troll are you? Sitting here and crying like a bitch! Stand! **You make another attempt to stand and Kurloz still refuses to let you. You look at him; he looks worried and a bit annoyed. You imagine he's annoyed because you keep trying to get up. **No. He's annoyed because he has to deal with you. Trust me, I'd be annoyed too. **Your head falls pitifully as you clutch it tighter.

"Kankri?!" You hear someone calling you. The freight train passes and your vision starts to clear. "Kankri? Are you okay, please answer us!" You feel like you got hit by a bus. "Look….he seems to be calming down a bit" The voice taking calms down a bit. You peer up to find that it's Meulin talking. Her eyes are wide, a bit scared, and she looks to be on the verge of tears. Why? Why would she be crying…? **What a confusing world this must be for you. When the person you hate survives something you cry. Obviously, she's upset you are still alive. Everybody is, I mean look at them.** Your eyes scan the area and you find that everybody looks upset. Oh. Maybe you should just go die… **Now you are getting the picture! **

"Kankri." A gruff voice pulls you from your thoughts. Your track the voice and it belong to Kurloz. "Are you okay?" He looks dead serious and you squirm a bit under his unforgiving stare. You know Kurloz can do some strange thing you've never much understood that involves one's mind. Maybe….maybe he knows. No. You know he knows. His stare is penetrating and you can feel him rummaging around in your head. **Stop him. **Kurloz jumps a bit in surprise, though he is effectively out of your head. You stare at him apologetically as he releases you. His stare doesn't falter and you feel him try again, this time with more force.

You clutch your head tighter. The voice is shouting now and you can feel Kurloz falter a bit. **You ignorant fool, what is wrong with you! Are you just going to let him toy around with you like this? What an idiot you are! How pathetic!**

The other stands and motions for the other crowded to move as he grabs you by your upper arm. They move out the way as you are dragged off. Kurloz is still prodding, but not nearly as much as before. He is dragging you for what feels like forever, before he sets you down on what you think is a bench.

"Kankri." He says it quietly, but you know the implications. The voice in your head is spewing all sorts of hatred towards you and you can feel yourself falling into it. Deeper and deeper you fall.

**How dare you let this troll take control of you like this! You are weak! Absolutely pathetic! Nothing in the world is more vile and putrid than you! You will rot in your grave! You'll never amount to anything and will become nothing! You live a lie and you are a lie! Nothing can help you at this point!**

He's staring now. He is in utter disbelief at your own thoughts. Are these actually your thoughts? Are you thinking these? You've never been sure, though Kurloz seems to blame you at the moment. You look at him and you can feel yourself freeze. He's preparing to do it again. Please no. Kurloz don't….

You scoot to the edge of the bench. You are uncomfortable with this and you don't want it. "Don't." You hear yourself say sternly. "Thank you for your concern, but my headache seems to have dispersed." He glares at you. It's upsetting. No one talks to Kurloz as you just did, that just doesn't happen. You decide to go home. This is all complicated. **Maybe you can off yourself now, huh? It would be for the best. **

You stand to go, but he grabs your wrist his eyes wide in their own surprise. He heard that. "Kurloz, I am not that dumb." **Yes you are.** "I know this is some side effect of how I have been feeling." **I've always been here. I'm your thoughts. How can I just appear out of nowhere? I am here to express how you feel, it's not my fault we have a mind digger in the presence **

Kurloz seems to be listening to the voice, more than he is listening to you. You sigh, moving your wrist around to free it. There's a dull pain that reminds you of what is underneath your sweater. **Oh! Kurloz, pull up that sleeve of his! I'm sure you'll be happy with your findings!**

He eyes you for a moment and you try and jerk your wrist away. This results in a sharp pain in your wrist and a failed attempt at an escape. This doesn't stop you from doing it again. He growls a bit as he releases your wrist. This was unexpected and you fall to the ground. **Wow, so smooth kid. Maybe you'll be cooler when you're dead.**

Kurloz stands, though he soon drops down and places his knees on either side of you. This is effective in keeping you in place, generally out of pure and utter surprise. He frowns at you putting his hand out expectantly. You guess he think you are going to give in.

You grab your wrist and shake your head. "I don't know what, you think you are doing or who you think you are, but you need to remove yourself from me." Kurloz rolls his eyes and apparently realizes force is going to be the only thing that is going to get either of you anywhere.

He grabs the wrist of the hand holding your other wrist and tugs roughly. You keep a hold on your wrist, surprisingly, and feel something on the other. Oh. You remember it's on both wrists. No. Please no. You can feel the scars opening again and the liquid is slowly making its way up your arm. You stop struggling and stare at him. He seems surprised you've stopped struggling, but doesn't question it for to long. He looks to the wrist he has a hold on and raises a brow. Treating you as if you aren't pinned to the ground against your will, he carefully rolls up the sleeve of your sweater.

**Oh. Isn't this surprising?**

Kuloz's eyes are wide now. You thought he expected this. You though he figured it out. No. You know he did. Maybe he didn't expect the extent of what you did.

You remember that night fairly clearly. You went overboard with the knife. The cuts were too deep and the slices were too long. Blood. There was blood everywhere, the bathroom was filthy. The knife drops because you lacked the strength to hold it. It was all over your arms. It covered everything. Both arms were too weak to pick you up. You were too weak to move. So tired.

Kurloz rolls up the other sleeve. The same thing. His frown is something of pity. The blood that was dripping from your wrist is now a steady stream. He stands, releasing your wrists. Kurloz puts out his hand to help you up. You reject it, standing on your own and storming off.

He doesn't follow, but he does watch as you slam the door to your hive.


	3. The Concoction

Your name is Kankri Vantas and your secret is out. You don't know why it has affected you so, but it has. You have conjured excuse after excuse of why your telephone has not been answered or your texts haven't been read. Oh. You can't take this anymore. Ever since your 'incident' as you've so kindly nicknamed it, you're unsure of where to go from here. Do you confront him? Perhaps ignore him and wait for him to bring it up to you? Maybe Kurloz won't say anything...perhaps he doesn't care all too much about it. You brace yourself for a bombardment of insults and put downs telling you that of course he doesn't care or no one cares, but they don't come. In fact you have yet to hear from said voice in quite some time. You're scared to think about it, what if you get its attention? Does it rest…? That's impossible you dunce it's a voice in your head not a pet woof beast. Oh. Right.

Deciding that now is as good a time as ever to try and leave your hive, you stand from the spot you've all but become one with for the past week. You are wobbly per usual but you mange. You take a step towards the bathroom to get a good look at yourself. You haven't looked in a mirror since more than a few weeks ago. You doubt anything has changed to drastically so you step into the bathroom to perhaps clean yourself up and…

Oh.

You were wrong. You were very wrong. You look more disgusting and mutated than before all of this nonsense started and that is not the voice speaking. Your eyes are sunken in and you look like you just dug your way out of a muddy ten foot trench while it was pouring rain, then someone threw you back in to do it again. Your hair is all but an animal atop your head. You instantly regret not putting a shirt on before you did this, because suddenly you cannot remember the last time you ate something and that surely shows in the drastic changes with your body. You silently thank Porrim for your sweater; if you were to wear anything else it would not be so easy to walk around unquestioned. You can see the scars that run all the way up both arms, their atrocious. Nothing could convince you otherwise. Before all of this you wondered why someone would mar their beautiful skin just because of sadness.

But now you know. It's more than sadness. It's madness. Loneliness. Numbness. Nothingness. You can't feel anything except for the feeling of emptiness. You are numb and nothing can change that. So, you make yourself feel. You make your body feel things. It doesn't matter if it hurts, you just want to feel. You want to feel alive. The blood lets you know you're alive. Though soon…you have to bleed more to know, because your body gets used to the feeling and goes back to its numbness so you have to go deeper. You have to cut deeper. You have to slice deeper. Until the blood falls no more. Until you don't wake up. Until you are finally what you feel. Lonely, numb, empty, nothingness. There's no escape. Not for you.

You take a final look at yourself before leaving the mirror. You can't handle it, you feel more putrid and vile than you did before.

Sighing, you throw on one of the black sweaters you own; your usual red one is…well let us just say that that one is dirty, shall we? It's not at all often you wear any of your black sweaters, but today you don't have a choice. You imagine that black pants along with your black sweater would make everyone fairly gloomy, so you decide to wear some regular jeans. This outfit of yours is not at all in your style but, as previously mentioned, you don't have a choice.

You take one last look at yourself in the mirror before heading out. You look much better with your sweater on. Sparing a glance at your hair you contemplate perhaps cutting it a bit…no. You decide against putting sharp object near your head at the moment. You try your best to style it as you usually do, but it's much too long for such a style. Your think pan goes back to cutting it. You always have cut your own hair, so you could do it…easy peasy. Alright. You'll cut it. You grab the scissors from the side drawer of your vanity. Okay. Just don't think about anything except your hair. Hair. Just your hair. You keep this same line of thought for the next half hour until you've completed your hair. Done.

That wasn't as hard as you initially thought it was going to be, but now your hands seem to not want to let go of the scissors. You eye now please. Your hands are shaking again. No. Your hands seem to have a mind of their own at the moment, because you come to realize you are rolling up your sleeve. Your breaths are shaky, but controlled. You want to close your eyes, but what good will that do? You have to see it. You have to know what you're doing. You have to know how disgusting and pathetic you are. As the scissors come closer to your arm, you hear a soft knock on your front door. Throwing the scissors down into the sink you quickly back out of your bathroom, hurriedly pulling your sleeve back down. You are desperate to get away from the bathroom. You thank whoever interrupted your brain. You pray and hope they understand what they just did for you.

You all but fall down the stairs, you remember you're not one to keep another waiting at the door. After what seems like forever you reach the door. You smooth your newly cut hair down, along with your unusual sweater. Taking a breath you swing open the door.

Oh.

It's…Kurloz.

He's smiling at you.

You don't know what to do or how to react to him, so you panic and slam the door. Effectively shutting him out and giving you time to recover. Once you start breathing again you realize how strange that must've looked, after a few seconds you hear another soft knocking noise. He's still there.

You take a deep breath and open the door once again. He's looking at you with a rather strange look of glee on his face. You decide that you don't like it. He continues smiling as you feel him poke into your head again. You decide you most definitely do not like that and you make sure that thought gets through to him. He gets it. And you know he gets it because he laughs and shoves his way into your hive. You're scared but you close the door, muttering a sarcastic 'Come in...' once he's made his way into the dining area. Following you notice he has some stuff with him. No doubt illegal stuff, but stuff nonetheless. He hasn't said a word to you, though he really doesn't have to you don't want to hear it anyways. Apparently he hears that as well and laughs to himself, or what he thinks is himself.

You walk a bit closer and see that he is mixing some sort of concoction. The bottles he's using aren't labeled and you figure he did that on purpose. He nods, still grinning. You pull out your cellphone to look at the time.

6 a.m. It's six in the morning. You glance at Kurloz and on closer inspection you realize he doesn't have his makeup on. Any of it. Apparently he came here as soon as he woke up. You catch him nodding softly, apparently you are correct. You can't spot a difference in his hair, it's always been some huge thing on his head that generally defied all and any laws of gravity. He' wearing a hoodie that says 'Down with the Clown' on it, but the font appears to be made up of bones. Where does he even find things like this…? Along with his hoodie he's wearing a necklace that also appears to be made of bones. How unique. You can't tell if he's wearing a shirt or not, you pray and hope that he is in fact wearing one, though you can clearly see pants. Their black, not to unusual for him at all.

You're standing there for what feel like hours, until he's done. He pours this unknown concoction into two glasses. One for you and the other for him you guess. You take the glass without much thought, just because you grab it doesn't mean you have to drink it. He frowns at that. "Come on, man. Live a little." You roll your eyes and make your way towards the kitchen so you may proceed to pour whatever this is down the drain. You don't want it.

He grabs your shoulder, effectively stopping you momentarily. "Kurloz, I am not drinking whatever this is."

"No. You gotta drink it. If you don't how are you supposed to get better, man? It'll help, I promise." He says this much to slyly for it to be a trustworthy statement.

"No." You decide that that's your final answer. You don't want it. You don't even what him in your hive, but he's here.

"You are making this all up and way too difficult, motherfucker." His grip on your shoulder tightens and you can feel his nails digging in to your skin. "Drink it."

You shudder a bit, because not only did he say the command with a force, he sent it through your head. A direct order to your brain. Drink it. You're shaking now. You've never felt anything like that and you suddenly find your hand controlling itself once more. Lifting the wretched drink nearer and nearer to your mouth. Drink it. You close your eyes to try and concentrate. Suddenly you want to drink it. Suddenly you forget everything that is terrible about you and you can only concentrate on this drink. Drink it. Why did you not want to drink it in the first place? It doesn't seem terrible. Drink it. As it gets closer your eyes snap open once its smell hits you.

**Drink it, motherfucker.**

Sopor.

You throw the cup across your kitchen effectively shattering yet another glass for the second time this month. Kurloz is only a bit surprised. He places his glass on the counter top, releasing you shoulder in the process. You back away from him leaning on the other side of the counter for balance. Was that him? Or was it the voice? Is it awake? Did Kurloz wake it up? So many dark questions are zooming through your head. You aren't paying attention to Kurloz, you just want him to leave. He picks his glass up, taking a sip from it. You look at him in disgust, you were sure he had stopped using spoor a long time ago. Apparently you were wrong.

He takes a step towards you, glass in hand. He wouldn't. You eye him, daring him to do what you think he is about to do. If eyes could shoot daggers he'd be dead right now, though they can't so he's not. You take a step back and end it shouting out in pain. The glass. All over the floor. Right. You forgot. Though that doesn't stop him from shoving you back onto the ground.

More glass. More cuts. More blood. The smell of copper.

You can feel glass slicing into your back, it's not as painful as it should be but it still hurts and you know you'll have to find a way to take the pieces of glass out later.

Kurloz apparently doesn't care for his knees, because once again his knees are on your sides. You hear glass crunch as he leans forward to put one of his hands on the floor above your head.

"I told you to just drink it. This could have been a lot less painful if you would've just listened to me." He's holding the glass above your head now, ready to pour apparently. "Now say 'ahhh'" He laughs.

You decide shaking your head is your best option, you don't want a drop of that trash anywhere near you or your protein shoot. **Open.** Oh god. **Come on, it ain't that hard. I'm just trying to help. **Kurloz's voice is much different than the one who apparently shares a brain with you. His voice is more musical….it's trance-like. It's…soothing. It makes you want to listen. But you're not dumb.

You close your eyes and ignore it as best you can. He isn't happy about the. Not at all. He lifts his hand from the floor and uses it to grab your chin.

"I didn't want to do this but you really ain't giving me much of a choice…" His hand has a firm grip on your chin. "Hope fully you've had your first kiss, or this is gonna be a memory for you."

No. No.

He takes a drink of the spoor concoction, before giving you a sweet smile.

Oh god.

Your try pushing him off, but that only pushes you deeper into the glass on the floor, it hurts but you don't stop. You can't move your head, his grip hasn't faltered, and in fact it's tightened. You want to say something, but you know if you open your mouth at all, it'll just be easier for him.

He rolls his eyes before leaning closer. He is far too casual about this. The closer he gets the antsier you become. You decide to give in. You shake your head to the best of your abilities and he stops for a moment. Kurloz swallows his mouthful and ha a most shit-eating grin on his face. "Oh, what's wrong Kanks? Are you ready to drink it yourself?"

You hesitant to nod, but you do. You don't want any of what's happening but if it's going to happen it might as well be on your terms.

"Good boy." He hands you the drink. "Now, if you spill any of this, I'll make you lick it up so be careful." Kurloz doesn't move, he is waiting for you to drink it.

He allows you to sit up, so you don't accidentally choke, or choke on purpose. You don't think about what you're doing but you just ignore him an drink as fast as you can. You don't want to taste it and you don't want to register what you're drinking.

He nods slowly in approval as you finish the glass. You can already feel the effects; your vision is getting a bit blurred and you are dizzy.

Kurloz stands and throws the sink into the glass, breaking it. Third glass this month. He puts his hand out for you to grab, you don't grab it. You would, but you can't seem to think clearly enough to get your hand to move. The third time today you're not in control. You hear, or you think you hear, him chuckle.

That last thing you remember before your vision cutting out all together, is him picking you up and taking you upstairs to what you had hoped was your death.


End file.
